capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
