i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
