I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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