I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
