Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
