My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
