We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
