Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
