Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
