I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
