i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
