Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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