i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
