You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
