she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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