Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
