I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
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