Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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