he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
