Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
