fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
