i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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