I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
