If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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