No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that's an acceptable place to lick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
