be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
