I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
