so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
