"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
