So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
