I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
