As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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