I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
