he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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