She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
