who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
