I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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