So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
