I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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