Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
