how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
