well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Less talking, more tequila
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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