is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
