shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
