I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
