left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
