thus making me awesome and them whores
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
