I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
