She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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