all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
