A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
