the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
