Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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