Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
