dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
