pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
