I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
