i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
