It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
