true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
