What a fucking waste of an outfit
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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